Jesus says to love our neighbours, and includes enemies in his definition. In this week’s story Jesus confronted the reality that Samaritans and Jews were neighbours yet enemies, and said that his followers need to love and serve one another beyond such divisions.
Elsewhere, he says it quite clearly: love your enemy. Turn the other cheek. Go the extra mile. My favourite part is where he says, “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.”
Loving your friends is nothing special, but loving your enemies is special indeed. It’s hard, it’s messy, it feels very risky, compromising and vulnerable. But when we avoid loving our neighbours and enemies, we live in isolation, fear of the unknown and misunderstandings.
One mayor told a church leader: “The majority of issues that our community is facing would be eliminated or drastically reduced if we could just figure out a way to become a community of great neighbours.”
It’s hard to know what to say, do, when life gets messy, and especially when our love isn’t returned. It’s easy to just give up and say Jesus’ command is too hard to follow.
But that can be explained simply enough. We haven’t got enough practice loving those closest to us, who aren’t our enemies, in order to be ready for loving our enemies. Loving our friendly, similar neighbours is good training for the big leagues.
So – start by just finding out – Who is my neighbour?
Download the attached Block Map. You are in the middle of the grid, and think of the other squares in the grid as your neighbours across the street, beside and behind your home. Or if it’s more appropriate, think of it as your workplace, and the squares as neighbouring cubicles. Then write in each square:
Their Name(s)
One Fact About Them
Something Deeper – A hope, dream, fear, challenge, etc.
Try and complete the grid as much as possible, and discuss with your group.
We meet for coffee every Wednesday night at Starbucks in the Chapters Store in Ajax, in Durham Region just East of Toronto. Maybe we’ll see you there?
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It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
Download the attached Block Map. You are in the middle of the grid, and think of the other squares in the grid as your neighbours across the street, beside and behind your home. Or if it’s more appropriate, think of it as your workplace, and the squares as neighbouring cubicles. Then write in each square: