When people ask you how you’re doing – have you every included the word “busy” in your answer?

One NY Times article called “The Busy Trap” that went viral commented, “It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy.””

Notice it isn’t generally people pulling back-to-back shifts in the I.C.U. or commuting by bus to three minimum-wage jobs  who tell you how busy they are; what those people are is not busy but tired. Exhausted. Dead on their feet. It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence.

Yes, for most of us, busyness is a choice, and we kind of like it!

But what are its consequences?

One psychiatrist listed a few:

  • It is so easy with cellphones and BlackBerrys a touch away.
  • It is a kind of high.
  • It is a status symbol.
  • We’re afraid we’ll be left out if we slow down.
  • We avoid dealing with life’s really big issues — death, global warming, AIDS, terrorism — by running from task to task.
  • We do not know how not to be busy.

There are many, but we’ll focus today on the consequence for our neighbours, since Jesus said this was so important.

When I first moved to Ajax, it naturally took a little time to meet all our neighbours.  Most memorably, two distinct families said the same thing when they met us.  One said, “I’m really sorry we’re just meeting you, I had made cakepops for you guys, but then got too busy to bring them over.”  Another said the same thing, “my wife was going to bake a pie to welcome you, but we got too busy.”

It’s heartbreaking – firstly because I could have had some excellent desserts, but also because it’s obvious how hectic our lifestyles can be, and how it inhibits forming lifegiving relationships.

Question: On a scale from 1 to 10 how busy is your life right now?

Ryan Sim - October 14, 2013

Monday - A New Idea - Friends To Family

It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship. Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship. For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?” The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship. Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?

From Series: "Won't You Be My Neighbour?"

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