Last week, I told you story of my old neighbour who helped build a deck.  He nicely represented the transition from strangers to neighbours to acquaintances to partners.  Today we’ll go one step further.  We’ll talk about becoming friends with those we work with, those we help, and those we live around.

When I was a volunteer paramedic, I remember one partner in particular.  We did several shifts together, and on calls he was always nervous, and second-guessing himself, which could be challenging to work with.  One day, he invited me to supper.  I met his family, saw his home and farm, and in the process learned about him and his values.  The next shift we had together was different.  I found we could communicate better, and I could anticipate his moves.  Debriefing the call afterwards was easier.  I knew this quirks, where they came from, and could work from a place of partnership and friendship rather than tolerance.

This has wider application than the workplace, but some good examples of how important this is follow from a few studies:

50 percent of employees with a best friend at work reported that they feel a strong connection with their company, compared to just 10 percent of employees without a best friend at work.  (A 2012 Gallup report which found that)

People planning to stick with their current job cited “good relationship with co-workers” as the major reason (67%) – above “job satisfaction” (63%), “flexible working arrangements” (57%) and even salary (which ranked seventh at 46%).  A 2013 survey of 2,223 business people across Australia

In the same way, being a follower of Jesus isn’t just about doing transactions, like dealing with other followers of Jesus because you have to, or caring for others in need simply because it looks good.

We’re actually meant to become friends with those we care for, and those we care with.  Not every single one to the same degree maybe, but we are actually meant to have a relationship with those we encounter in this life, and not simply use people or tolerate others.

We’ll focus this week on those we care for, those we’ve been talking about all along, and becoming friends.

Question: When have you unexpectedly “hit it off” with someone at work?

Ryan Sim - October 14, 2013

Monday - A New Idea - Friends To Family

Won\'t You Be My Neighbour?

It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship. Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship. For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?” The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship. Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?

From Series: "Won't You Be My Neighbour?"

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