It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first.  Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went.  You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door.  I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell.  But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.

Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights.  The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too.  It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking.  It’s a high level of friendship.

For some people, maybe that seems natural enough.  You grew up with it, perhaps.  But for others, it bothers you.  You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting.  You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow?  What if that dessert was for a party?  What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”

The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship.  That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours.  We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.

Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house?  Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?

Ryan Sim - September 25, 2013

Wednesday - Change It - Neighbours to Acquaintances

Remember our story yesterday about Jesus stopping to help a hurting woman? It wasn’t just about interruptions. After helping the woman who interrupted his travels, Jesus carried on his way towards Jairus’ house, since he’d asked Jesus to heal his daughter. It turns out that Jairus’daughter had died in the meantime, but Jesus kept going, and arrived at her bedside and raised her from the dead. That’s the true point of this story – the resurrection from the dead is what we’re heading toward – ultimate goal. He gives us a glimpse in this story, showing us that our death will not be the end of us, but that Jesus offers to simply wake us up in his kingdom. It’s a matter of whether we want to join that party. Jesus said the main thing was loving God, loving neighbours. The confidence to live that way, with all its sacrifices in this world, all flows from Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. It is our resurrection from being dead to sin now, and the physical death still to come. We can be distracted by other things – even good things – and lose perspective. We can tell ourselves things will settle down, or that more will be enough, or that everybody lives like this. But these are distractions. We can only do so many things well – why not make our specialty what God says is most important? We’ll have to slow down. John Ortberg – Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible. Love always takes time, and time is the one thing hurried people don’t have.” Think of the difference between good doctor and bad doctor from a patient’s perspective. It often has to do with perception of being hurried – does the doctor seem to listen and care? I know someone who visited the doctor recently, and waiting for an hour in the exam room listening to him talk on the phone about golf, then she heard him tell a drug rep he was extremely busy. She knew it was a lie, and that he didn’t care about her as a person. We don’t want to be like that with our neighbours! Question: What good things might be keeping you from the “main thing” of loving God, who calls you to your neighbours? We meet for coffee every Wednesday night at Starbucks in the Chapters Store in Ajax, in Durham Region just East of Toronto. Maybe we'll see you there?

From Series: "Won't You Be My Neighbour?"

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