It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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This week we’ve been exploring the story of Levi meeting Jesus, and having a big party with his former partners in crime, now his friends. Jesus’s transformative effect brings Levi’s colleagues into a new friendship with Levi first, then that friendship brings his friends into contact with Jesus.
It’s no different today, this is very reason we held an outdoor movie night. We brought a bunch of people together over a great feast of popcorn. Our online users met one another, and made some new friends.
This app and web site is meant to be more than a transaction, more than something to watch/listen to. It’s meant to bring us into community. It’s meant to be made up of real people, in real community with one another.
Obviously movie nights and apps are large scale. But it depends on the small scale. It depends on people like you. You can be a Levi.
At parties, people mingle and meet, and often discover things in common.
So, have some people over to dinner, see what happens. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Or maybe have a hockey watching party, a playdate, a block party, whatever your scene is.
Through that kind of party, I hope you and some people you know and work with, or have helped, will become friends, and friends can talk about what really matters. When followers of Jesus are present in the room and real deep things of life come up, I think that’s when Jesus enters the conversation, just like at Levi’s table.
When he throws a great feast, his partners in crime learn the money grubbing tax collector actually isn’t driven by money anymore, but now he’s driven by love for Jesus, which makes him love them. Imagine the transformative effect on their lives. More than that, they just met a Jewish rabbi who will actually eat and drink with them, get to know them, love them, despite the risks, rather than standing outside and shaking his head.
So, go and show your neighbours the same! Learn their names, stories, needs, and then become friends.
Challenge: Plan a party, big or small! Please tell me the story, I’d love to hear how it goes.
