Parenting Teens - September 4, 2012

Day 19 - Effective Communications Strategies Part I

We look at the role of listening and attention-giving in effective communications.

2. Learn to listen
• treat them like young adults (not children) • Listen carefully to their views and feelings

Effective communication requires that parents o learn to speak with their teenager rather than at their teenager (Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers) o engage in discussion and be prepared to debate the issues rather than repeating Simplistic slogans such as “You're too young to have a boyfriend” or “drugs are dangerous”

3. Give your full attention • recognize the important moments to listen and give your full attention • don't try to listen to your teenager while doing something else at the same time • maintain eye contact; observe your teenager’s body language

When have you had your best conversations with your teenager?

From Series: "Parenting Teenagers"

Study Guide

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Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved.  Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is.  Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.

  • Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of:
    • self- discovery
    • pushing for independence
    • much self-questioning
    • peer pressure
    • they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable
    • confidence rests on:
      • security (knowing they are loved)
      • self-worth (knowing they are of value)
      • significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives)
      • seek to keep their emotional tank” full of LOVE:
        • their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel
        • knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term:
          • to resist peer pressure when they need to
          • to make good choices
          • to build close relationships

Discovering how our teenagers feel loved

  • discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it’s through:
    • time
    • words
    • touch
    • presents
    • actions
    • (see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers)
    • importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older

Question: Which of the five way of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?


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