Parenting Children - August 17, 2012

Day 5 – Experiencing & Observing Healthy Relationships

Children learn to relate through experiencing, observing, and practicing various relationships within the family:
•  parent-child
•  mother-father
•  sibling-sibling
•  grandparent-grandchild
•  uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. Experiencing: parent-child relationship
•  children learn to love through experiencing their parents. unconditional love
•  important for children to feel accepted for who they are Our love and acceptance give our children confidence through building in them:
•  security (knowing they are loved not for what they do, but for who they are)
•  self-worth (knowing they are of value - their self-worth is based on what they think we, their parents, think of them)
•  significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives, and that they have a worthwhile contribution to make) Ultimately security, self-worth and Significance come from God
•  we model God’s parenthood of us
•  parents are in loco dei (in His place to represent Him) Observing: mother-father (and other adult) relationships
•  children learn to relate through observing adult relationships
•  how we, their parents, speak and listen to each other
•  the physical affection we show
•  whether and how we resolve conflicts
•  children need to see firsthand the modeling of an intimate, committed adult relationship
•  if parenting together, consider doing The Marriage Course to invest in your relationship
•  if not parenting together, work at having thebest possible relationship with your child’s other parent (resolving conflict, forgiveness, consistency, etc.)

Question:
Where is your child learning most about how to build healthy relationships?

Study Guide

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Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved.  Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is.  Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.

  • Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of:
    • self- discovery
    • pushing for independence
    • much self-questioning
    • peer pressure
    • they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable
    • confidence rests on:
      • security (knowing they are loved)
      • self-worth (knowing they are of value)
      • significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives)
      • seek to keep their emotional tank” full of LOVE:
        • their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel
        • knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term:
          • to resist peer pressure when they need to
          • to make good choices
          • to build close relationships

Discovering how our teenagers feel loved

  • discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it’s through:
    • time
    • words
    • touch
    • presents
    • actions
    • (see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers)
    • importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older

Question: Which of the five way of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?