Last week, I told you story of my old neighbour who helped build a deck. He nicely represented the transition from strangers to neighbours to acquaintances to partners. Today we’ll go one step further. We’ll talk about becoming friends with those we work with, those we help, and those we live around.
When I was a volunteer paramedic, I remember one partner in particular. We did several shifts together, and on calls he was always nervous, and second-guessing himself, which could be challenging to work with. One day, he invited me to supper. I met his family, saw his home and farm, and in the process learned about him and his values. The next shift we had together was different. I found we could communicate better, and I could anticipate his moves. Debriefing the call afterwards was easier. I knew this quirks, where they came from, and could work from a place of partnership and friendship rather than tolerance.
This has wider application than the workplace, but some good examples of how important this is follow from a few studies:
50 percent of employees with a best friend at work reported that they feel a strong connection with their company, compared to just 10 percent of employees without a best friend at work. (A 2012 Gallup report which found that)
People planning to stick with their current job cited “good relationship with co-workers” as the major reason (67%) – above “job satisfaction” (63%), “flexible working arrangements” (57%) and even salary (which ranked seventh at 46%). A 2013 survey of 2,223 business people across Australia
In the same way, being a follower of Jesus isn’t just about doing transactions, like dealing with other followers of Jesus because you have to, or caring for others in need simply because it looks good.
We’re actually meant to become friends with those we care for, and those we care with. Not every single one to the same degree maybe, but we are actually meant to have a relationship with those we encounter in this life, and not simply use people or tolerate others.
We’ll focus this week on those we care for, those we’ve been talking about all along, and becoming friends.
Question: When have you unexpectedly “hit it off” with someone at work?
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Here's one of Jesus' most famous one-liners:
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Then he went on:
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:12-14 ESV)
We'll look first at the first part – what's known as the Golden Rule.
You may think this was nothing new. Haven't other teachers said similar things?
Rabbi Hillel was once approached by a young man who asked him to summarize the whole law while the inquirer stood on one foot. He simply said, "What is hateful to yourself do to no other.”
Socrates told a story of a Greek King: "Do not do to others the thing that makes you angry"
Confucius was once asked, if there is one word to sum up the law of life and he answered, "Reciprocity: What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."
People will often repeat a similar idea today: you can do whatever you want as long as you aren’t hurting someone else.
If Jesus is just saying what others have always known, it seems strange for him to pair this saying with a story about a narrow gate, and how difficult it is to live this out, and how few people will manage to do it.
But in fact, Jesus isn't saying the same old thing, he says something very new!
When this concept appears in other traditions, it's always in negative – do not do to others what you would not have them do to you.
But Jesus says the positive: Go above and beyond. DO. He wants the motivations to be love, not fear. The object to be the other person, not self. The question to be, not how much I can get away with, but how much can I do for others.
That's what Jesus was all about.
We'll explore this more later this week.
Question: Many have said ‘Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to yourself” – but only Jesus gives the positive – “do to others what you would want done to yourself”. If you were to apply each of these statements to a practical situation you’re facing, would they each lead you to different responses?
