It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first.  Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went.  You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door.  I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell.  But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.

Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights.  The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too.  It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking.  It’s a high level of friendship.

For some people, maybe that seems natural enough.  You grew up with it, perhaps.  But for others, it bothers you.  You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting.  You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow?  What if that dessert was for a party?  What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”

The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship.  That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours.  We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.

Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house?  Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?

Ryan Sim - July 17, 2013

Wednesday - Change It - Originality

I know a PHd student who asked this question on Facebook: "How do you cite Facebook?" Researchers like her live and breathe citations. It's critical that they learn how to quote someone properly. There are whole books written about referencing sources properly. Good teaching in Jesus’ day was the same. Rabbi Hirschel says this. Rabbi Hillel says that. At best, a good teacher might come up with some creative parallel, paradox or new insight into those ancient words. But to say something original, that was risky. Maybe you could get away with it at end of your career, or maybe after you'd died, people would say it about you. The Jewish people have such a long history – to make up your own stuff was as if you thought you were better, and could ignore the past. If you did, people would ask, "Who is this guy?" In this case, he was Jesus, a carpenter from a small town. He never went to the advanced schools of Judaism. Lucky he was literate. He was not where you’d expect original, profound teaching to come from. You might expect teaching that was original and trite, or profound and dated, but not original and profound at once. Yet, everyone, even his enemies, saw this profound, original teaching in Jesus. They said the same as these crowds. “He teaches as one with authority” meaning he wasn’t quoting the great teachers of the past, like other Jewish Rabbis always did. He just taught, and people recognized his words as good and true, despite his lack of citations. He hadn’t followed another rabbi, he just gathered a school of students around him. He doesn’t need to cite, because he is the source of all truth. He is called the "Word" of God - the "Word" being a Greek concept of the truth with personality. Question: How is Jesus different from other teachers in your life? What did he teach that no one else said before, or has ever improved upon since? We meet for coffee every Wednesday night at Starbucks in the Chapters Store in Ajax, in Durham Region just East of Toronto. Maybe we'll see you there?

From Series: Sermon on the Mount | More Messages from Ryan Sim | Download Audio

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