It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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CloseRyan Sim - October 15, 2013
Tuesday - Study It - Friends To Family
After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road. Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace be to this house!’ And if a son of peace is there, your peace will rest upon him. But if not, it will return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages. Do not go from house to house. Whenever you enter a town and they receive you, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick in it and say to them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ (Luke 10:1-9 ESV) Here we see Jesus in delegation mode. He’s spent loads of time with his disciples, teaching them with his words and way of life. Now, it’s time for them to learn by doing. They have been in gathered mode, now is time to scatter. So he sends them out with little…no moneybag, knapsack, sandals. He sends them with so little they will need to have refrigerator rights in other people’s homes to survive. He wants them to rely on others. Full dependence on others, will teach them full dependence on him. He asks them to find these people of peace by saying “peace on this house”. It almost sounds like a code word, but this was more about who the people are, and what God has already been doing in their lives to prepare them for the missionary’s arrival, and less about their response to a code word! If God has been making these people seek the peace of the kingdom of God, a travelling preaching proclaiming that message will be welcomed. Look how deeply he wants these relationships to go. He wants them to stay with one family, and not go from house to house. He wants them to become family, to be vulnerable, completely known and trusted by others. Question: Describe what you think a person of peace would be like. How would the disciples’ travels be different if they had more supplies?
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From Series: "Won't You Be My Neighbour?"
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