It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first.  Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went.  You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door.  I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell.  But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.

Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights.  The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too.  It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking.  It’s a high level of friendship.

For some people, maybe that seems natural enough.  You grew up with it, perhaps.  But for others, it bothers you.  You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting.  You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow?  What if that dessert was for a party?  What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”

The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship.  That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours.  We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.

Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house?  Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?

Ryan Sim - June 12, 2013

Wednesday - Change It - Needs

Jesus’ description of God as a loving, caring father who wants to provide for our needs, not necessarily our wants, means that God answers prayer in one three ways: Yes, No, Later Most of us are happy when God says Yes to our prayers, although you should be warned that sometimes we get more than we bargained for when God says yes to our prayers, because the yes may lead to consequences we could never have imagined. So sometimes in a clear, and often dramatic way, God will say Yes to our prayers. We asked to hear Redeem the Commute stories, and the very day that someone prayed about that, we heard Jason’s story. But sometimes God will say no for a variety of reasons. Our prayers may have the wrong motives, like “drop dead prayers”. Prayers for revenge, fame and fortune rarely get answered with the word yes. Sometimes we are praying for simply frivolous things. “Lord please give us a sunny day for a soccer match”---when the local farmers are praying for rain. Sometimes God says no because we are requesting what is not good for us, and we can’t even see it. God loves us and knows what it is best for us. Yesterday: Good parents do not always give their children what they ask for. If a 4 year old asks to play with the knives a good parent says no. By answering every prayer Yes, God would in effect abdicate, turning the world over to us to run. History shows how we have handled the limited freedom granted to us: genocide, wars, polluted the earth, concentrated pockets of wealth and grinding poverty. God will answer no if the things we ask for are either not good in themselves, or not good for us, or good for others, either immediately or ultimately. Ruth Graham (Billy Graham’s wife) tells a story “God has not always granted my requests. If he had I would have married the wrong man, several times. Awful things happen in world – like Oklahoma tornadoes. Some were praying in that moment of terror or death. Some people are still alive, and were not praying. Exactly how God answers prayer is a mystery. All that we say today about prayer must be said with all humility because at some point we stand back and respect and bow our heads before the mystery of prayer, especially the mystery of hearing the word No. Later is of course a combination of Yes and No. Yes, but not now. No for now, but yes for later. And of course what we may perceive as a no right now, is in fact a later. Sometimes no and later can in hindsight be a great blessing, that only makes sense in hindsight. Question: Since prayers can be answered in these three ways, how do you think Jesus wants his followers to pray?

Related Topics: Needs, Prayer | More Messages from Ryan Sim | Download Audio

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