It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first.  Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went.  You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door.  I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell.  But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.

Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights.  The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too.  It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking.  It’s a high level of friendship.

For some people, maybe that seems natural enough.  You grew up with it, perhaps.  But for others, it bothers you.  You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting.  You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow?  What if that dessert was for a party?  What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”

The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship.  That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours.  We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.

Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house?  Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?

Ryan Sim - June 6, 2013

Thursday - Act On It - Judgement

Sermon on the Mount

One friend, speaking on this passage, gave this advice: When in conflict, we typically assume it's 80% their fault, 20% ours. But approach the argument as if it's the opposite, since that’s how the other person sees it! Jesus said, "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." It's a ridiculous image. But usually we can recognize some truth in it. It's embarassing for us, because we know it's something we've done. Story of someone driving down road, sketchy people, judging them. Reazlizes speeding! “They might be breaking, or planning to break the law, but I am 100% guilty!” We don’t judge ourselves by the same standards we use for others. It's right in the log and speck imagery: We are the worst possible eye surgeon, but ready to give it a try all the same. Specks are not harmless – don’t ignore one! Left alone in our own eye, or anyone else's, they become inflamed irritants…you are a bad friend if you ignore the speck in someone else's eye. But to be that good friend, first take log out of your own eye - approach other person with humility and self-awareness. Jesus' death on the cross is central. It allows us to become aware of brokenness and sin - we needed Jesus to die for us. This can help us believe we are no better than others - we all needed relief from sin. To approach that other person, we have to believe we are worse, or as bad, as anyone else. But Jesus' death on the cross also tells us we are loved. By showing us how loved we are, Jesus has removed any of our motivations to avoid hard conversations by fear. We are loved, even in the hard conversations. Challenge: Who do you want to criticize or judge? Are you guilty of the same? Approach that person on the level, tell them you’re working on this issue in yourself, and see what happens from there.

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