It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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Hi! Welcome to Redeem the Commute. I'm Ryan, your host for the Daily Challenge. Today's Tuesday; it's the day we explore in the Bible the topic that we introduced yesterday. We're in a series called, "Reset" right now, looking at how deciding to follow Jesus resets some really important areas of our lives. We've looked at several and this week we're looking at how it resets our view of family.
So what is family for, if following Jesus comes first in someone’s life?
Does this mean not loving family at all? No way. Here’s how Pastor Tim Keller put it: “If we have made idols of work and family, we do not want to stop loving our work and family. Rather, we want to love Christ so much more that we are not enslaved by our attachments.”
One Christian author, Stanley Hauwerwas said: For Christians do not place their hope in their children, but rather their children are a sign of their hope . . . that God has not abandoned this world.”
We can see this in how the Bible set out the requirements for an overseer – a pastor or bishop. They were written by a church leader named Paul, addressed to his protégé, Timothy.
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? (1 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV)
You can see where leadership is supposed to be practiced: at home first, then in the Christian community. This isn’t saying every leader needs to be married – Paul himself was not. But if a leader is, they need to be leading at a Christian home already. The most important line is, “if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?”
A family is a miniature church of sorts. Martin Luther said centuries ago ago: “A house is actually a school and a church, and the head of the household is a pastor in his house.”
Family is a place to learn essential skills for Christian living, learn to follow Jesus. This is one reason among many that Redeemer Church, the church being developed through Redeem the Commute, baptizes children. We are celebrating that they are starting school, not graduating. A Christian family commits to teaching the basics of following Jesus when their child is baptized.
Family becomes a training ground for the kingdom of God. How does that look in pracitce? Look at one example from ancient Israel that surely informed early Christians as well:
Deuteronomy 6: 4-9: “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Their faith was meant to be everywhere in family life, so children encountered it daily.
Question: How do this? What skills do you think are essential for Christians, and learned in the family?
