It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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Hi, welcome to Redeem the Commute. I’m Ryan, your host of the Daily Challenges. Today’s Wednesday, so it’s the day we try to let our thoughts be challenged and transformed by the words of the Bible that we saw yesterday.
We’re exploring how following Jesus resets our views of family. We acknowledged that family is a mechanism for providing good things: shelter, food, care, etc. But when a life is reset by Jesus, family becomes much more, it becomes a place for others to learn to follow Jesus themselves.
It’s here that family members learn, in a “lab” setting, what Jesus said was most critical: Love god and Love neighbour. At the baptism we had a few weeks ago for some Redeem the Commute members, I asked those who’d gathered to support an infant being baptized the following:
Today we are trusting God for her growth in faith. Will you pray for her, draw her by your example into the community of faith and walk with her in the way of Christ? In baptism she begins her journey in faith...You speak for her today. Will you care for her, and help her to take her place within the life and worship of Christ's Church?
That’s a good vision for any family who are trying to follow Jesus – the parent(s) and their community gather around the child(ren) in discipleship. In no particular order, here are some ways that might happen with various Christian values:
Sacrifice: Involve in kids decisions around activities (compromise), spending, vacations, etc.
Love: Children learn love from parents, learn father’s love for us. Uniqueness.
Pray/Worship: Pray for your kids, teach them to pray. Grace. Bedtime. Then special needs won’t be the only prayer they ever hear.
Practice Peace & Love – Teaching about hitting, lying, gossip, etc.
Compassion: Bring them to hospital, downtown, etc. Talk about what you see, how you react, how and why you help others or not.
Communion: Eat meals together when you can. Talk about your day, and pray in response.
Stewardship of body: Exercise, eat healthy, etc.
Stewardship of money and possessions: When money comes, teach them how you save & spend & give.
Christian Community: Give kids as many heroes as possible. Our own church community will be meeting in person soon.
Forgive: Can’t run away from family, ignore for very long. Hurts need to be dealt with through forgiveness or an unending cycle of vengeance. Teach them forgiveness.
Question: Think of your current schedule and activities as a family. What do they communicate is most important in life?
