It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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Last week we learned how we are made for work – when God created (his work) the world and us, we were meant to engage in work with him. But it didn't take long for humans to rebel against God and his plan for us, and now everything is not as it should be…including work.
We went off the metaphorical train tracks we described last week - God had given us a good context, direction and plan for life, but we decided to strike out for ourselves. We are now missing the context for our lives, and life is no longer integrated.
This is what happened after that rebellion from God, in Genesis 3:17-19
And to Adam he said, ...cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
God was stating the natural consequence of humanity's departure from him and his care - life will now be painful labour. It can take everything out of you - if you have ever tried to start something new, grow food, win a game, or lead people well, you know this is true. Things are never as easy as they should or could be. Something is broken in us.
We can also see this in our frustration with the little things. Things that should be easy can be really hard.
What followed is that humans clothed themselves in an act of self-protection, which we also see in them is trust and anger we regularly have for other people, especially those we work with.
The humans also started to blame each other, the rest of creation, and God. Sound like your workplace?
So how does work end up being broken today?
At one extreme, we can live for work. We can be driven by a goal, but the problem is those goals are always fleeting - the goal itself never lives up to its hype. We are always finding we arrive somewhere, only to be driven ahead by something more, or something better. The product never matches what was in your head.
Or work becomes pointless, running after something with no real value, simply because it’s the "logical" next step in a career path.
Or work becomes selfish, all about becoming famous, wealthy, or powerful, rather than producing or generating a good for society. We can start to break rules, hide things, or violate some ethics because we are so driven.
We always need to come back to the question of why – why am I working? Why has God put me here? Given me these resources, these skills, this power, this place?
Question: Why do you work? Whatever effort you exert – why do you do it?
