It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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Years ago, I started my own business in web hosting, when that was a newish industry. I was studying in university at the same time, and had always been able to do both, until a server crashed during midterms. I didn't let either midterms or my clients drop, I simply gave up sleep. It finally caught up with me, and I had to get out of my room and went for a late night walk. I eventually stumbled into a church, exhausted and scared that my business might not recover. I remember the minister listening, then suggesting, "get some rest…then consider, maybe God is trying to tell you something."
I returned ready to solve my problems. I moved all the customers I could to one server. I ordered new server, then there was nothing I could do but wait. I could only rest.
I felt completely different when I woke up. I could study, I could write papers, I could think, I could fix the problems that caused the crash.
Rest is important!
An estimated 3.3 million Canadians age 15 or older have problems getting enough sleep, which may be affecting their health and quality of life.
A magazine of internal medicine summarized their research. The bottom line is: “sleep serves as an indicator of health and quality of life"
Lack of rest leads to more tension, depression, fatigue and marital strain, at least for women, according to one study of 1,500 women in rural Wisconsin.
And one medical publication found Middle-aged men who were at high risk of heart disease 50% less likely to die of a heart attack over nine years if they took frequent vacations.
We need rest, and we’re not just going to look at physiological reasons, but theological. That our need for rest comes from God himself.
Question: When was your longest stretch of sustained work with no day off? How did it impact you?
