It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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Jesus always has the Pharisees, or religious lawyers, in mind as he teaches.
Pharisees were essentially seeking a checklist of laws they can work through.
Jesus says that wasn’t the point of the law. Look back to the beatitudes, the content that we started this series with. Jesus was always expanding the law to look at our motivations, not just outward actions we can check off our do/don't do list.
It's a good thing, because we know life isn’t like that. Life throws stituations at all of us that we never anticipated, and could never have listed in advance.
Jesus describes keeping God’s law with this line: So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
He goes on to recognize, this is no checklist, this is very difficult: narrow gate to pass through.
Baggage doesn’t fit. All your religious background, credentials, money, power, etc. all get left behind if you want to go through this gate.
Every human can go through this door if we are willing to let go of all the sin baggage that keeps us from God.
The narrow path – or the cramped path – does not allow us to take with us the things we can carry on the broad path. What are those things?
Our failure to live this way, to go through Jesus’ narrow door, is due to our self-centeredness.
We are instinctively self-centered, self-loving. Fall.
40% of millenials say that "being self-promoting, narcissistic, overconfident, and attention-seeking is helpful for succeeding in a competitive world."
Almost 80% say that their friends use social media for those reasons.
So Jesus uses that against us. Uses our self-love to love others. He redeems our self-love.
Self-love is powerful. Usually our guide – now Jesus says it’s for others, too.
Jesus calls us to an awareness of others as God’s beloved children, too.
We’re not the only ones.
Prevents need for endless rules for every situation. Put self in other’s shoes.
Question: Describe the most self-centered person you know. What do you have in common with them? What characteristics do you share? Why is this so hard to admit?
