We asked yesterday if you could list of what comes to mind when you hear the word “church”. Our lists probably included buildings, events and services. It may have included organ and choir music, stained glass windows, dusty books, bake sales and more. It may evoke good experiences, or bad ones.
But not how the Bible usually sees “church”. Church is described in several cases as a family. This is why our vision is to become a church made up of many groups who are “like family” with one another.
But you might immediately think this means something strange and cultish, usually because our ideas of family today is pretty narrow. We think of family as the nuclear, immediate family in isolation.
But in Jesus’ culture, in some cultures today, and not so long ago in Western culture, the family was the word used more naturally to describe an extended network of relations, often living in the same area.
That was the context for family in Jesus’ day, and Jesus had plans to develop a new kind of extended family. Here’s a striking moment when he described his plans to create an alternate family:
Matthew 12:46-50 While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
On the one hand, it seems Jesus just put down his mother. I just saw “Guilt Trip” where Barbra Streisand plays Seth Rogen’s overbearing mother. She calls several times a day, tries to get him to drink water constantly, and so on. In the middle of their road trip, he finally snaps, and tells her off.
It seems like that might be what Jesus is doing to his mother here. Is he putting her down, in his plans to join another family? Look at it another way. Jesus is actually elevating his disciples to family status. His followers, fellow practitioners of his kingdom, are his family.
She’s not excluded. Later in the story of Jesus’ life and death, we see Mary his mother appearing as a devoted member of this extended family, and Jesus even assigns one of the disciples to look after her after his death, saying he’s her new son, and vice versa.
Jesus isn’t narrowing his definition of family to exclude blood relatives. He’s broadening it, to include his extended family of followers as if they are blood relatives.
Question: Imagine your immediate family suddenly adopting a dozen new members. How would it change your way of life? What would be the pros and cons?
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You’ll be challenged to forgive today. Perhaps you bristle at the thought, and say, “no one can tell me when to forgive. I can hold a grudge if I want to.”
I once knew a woman you shared a story with me about a past employer who was cruel and unkind. My friend became visibly agitated as she told the story, and said that to this day, she leaves parties and restaurants the moment her former employer arrives. I asked when this happened, and learned this person had been leaving parties and restaurants for 20 years!
The worst part is, the cruel employer may have no idea this is happening. My friend thinks she is hurting her former employer, but she’s really hurting herself, by bowing out of parties!
This is a vivid example of how forgiveness is not just about releasing those who hurt us, but it is a release for the person doing the forgiving as well.
It allows us to step out of God’s role, and allow him to be God over us. That’s what being a Christian is supposed to be all about, and is why Jesus claimed forgiveness was so essential for his followers. If we do not forgive others, we are trying to be God – the ultimate judge – over them.
Now, forgiveness is very hard, I will admit. It’s seen as impossible for many. But thankfully, we don’t have to muster the strength or resolve to forgive all on our own. Jesus has forgiven everyone for us. He went around earth forgiving people their sins, which seemed absurd, since he didn’t appear to have been wronged. But as God, he was wronged anytime one of his beloved children was wronged, and could forgive those sinners even when the wronged party could not.
We forgive because God has forgiven us, and even if we can’t find the strength, forgiveness can be as simple as asking God to forgive them.
The example of my friend who left parties because her enemy arrived is apt. God’s kingdom is described in the Bible as a party. Forgiveness can let us enjoy the party - God’s party. Don’t avoid the party, just to hold a grudge.
Challenge: Consider someone who has hurt you. Forgive them today. Start by telling God you’ve forgiven them, or need him to forgive them. Then tell yourself they are forgiven, every day, if necessary. Then, if you can, and it’s safe, tell that person that they are forgiven.
This is a process – it needs to be a daily practice sometimes.
If forgiveness is something that needs to happen in your relationship, we have some great help on forgiveness in the Marriage Course. The forgiveness topic starts on Day 27.
