Children learn to relate through experiencing, observing, and practicing various relationships within the family:
• parent-child
• mother-father
• sibling-sibling
• grandparent-grandchild
• uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.
Experiencing: parent-child relationship
• children learn to love through experiencing their parents. unconditional love
• important for children to feel accepted for who they are
Our love and acceptance give our children confidence through building in them:
• security (knowing they are loved not for what they do, but for who they are)
• self-worth (knowing they are of value - their self-worth is based on what they think we, their parents, think of them)
• significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives, and that they have a worthwhile contribution to make)
Ultimately security, self-worth and Significance come from God
• we model God’s parenthood of us
• parents are in loco dei (in His place to represent Him)
Observing: mother-father (and other adult) relationships
• children learn to relate through observing adult relationships
• how we, their parents, speak and listen to each other
• the physical affection we show
• whether and how we resolve conflicts
• children need to see firsthand the modeling of an intimate, committed adult relationship
• if parenting together, consider doing The Marriage Course to invest in your relationship
• if not parenting together, work at having thebest possible relationship with your child’s other parent (resolving conflict, forgiveness, consistency, etc.)
Question: Where is your child learning most about how to build healthy relationships?
never too soon to start (see the account of John the Baptist in the womb in Luke 1:44, The Bible)
never too late to start (see the Parable of the Lost Son in Luke 15: 11-24, The Bible)
turn fears and longings into prayers
when to pray:
with them before they go to sleep
teaching them to pray (thank you, sorry, please)
on our own
with others
in traffic jams or when cleaning up or ironing
when prompted (often at moments of potential danger or temptation for our child)
everyday
what to pray for:
friendships
schools
their health
their safety
their marriage partner (most children will marry one day and their marriage partner may well already be alive somewhere)
their response to God’s love
their characters – use the fruit of the Spirit as a list to pray through: love. joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (see Galatians 5: 22-23, The Bible)
pray with them, particularly at bedtime
pray for yourselves as parents
Take some time to pray for your child(ren), and plan to make it a regular routine. Our Christianity 101 Course may help you explore the topic of prayer, God and Christianity in more depth.
