Marriage Course - September 20, 2012

Day 34 - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not

Forgiveness IS NOT
• demanding a person changes before we forgive them
• pretending it doesn't matter and trying to forget about it
• thinking time alone will heal the hurt

Forgiveness IS
• facing the wrong done to us
• recognizing the emotions inside
• releasing the other person into God's hands, leaving the consequences to Him
• choosing not to hold it against our husband or wife

If we do not forgive we'll be the one imprisoned by the bitterness, resentment, and anger

Forgiveness is a process-we often need to keep forgiving for the same hurt-sometimes on a daily basis

God forgives us freely and therefore we must forgive each other freely

Start Again Together:
• begin each day with a fresh start and no backlog-tear off each page of the notebook
• don't expect healing to be instant-apology and forgiveness remove the distance between us but the hurt leaves a bruising that needs time to heal
• re-build trust by setting aside marriage time, and being gentle and kind towards each other
• pray for one another-pray aloud or silently, asking God to heal your partner of the hurt you have caused him or her

This process is like a drain that carries away the hurt

Confession to God and those we hurt, together with forgiving those who have hurt us, must become a daily habit if intimacy is to be maintained. Otherwise the drain begins to block up with unresolved hurt and anger.

Question:Ask your husband or wife to tell you one way that you can support them this week. If you feel comfortable, pray for each other – aloud or silently. Otherwise express your support in some other way.

Question 2:Complete the Worksheet found under "Study Guide"

From Series: "Marriage"

Study Guide

More Messages Associated With "Forgiveness"...

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But the most important part of this line is when we listen to the Prodigal Son Story in this context:

The younger son had gone as from his father as possible, he was like a 1.  He went as  far as he could physically, and he rejected everything his father stood for in the way he lived.  But the minute he started heading home, his father ran out to meet him.

The older son had stayed physically close to his father.  He was like a 99.  But the minute it was revealed that he didn’t understand his father was a man of grace, and started to head away from his way of life, his father ran out of a party to chase after him.

The point that I am trying to make is there is a moment of commitment here and the big thing is not so much where you are on the graph but which direction you are going.  What matters is not so much where you have been, or where you are now, but where you go today.

And what we are all about here at Redeem the Commute is about helping people move along that graph and for each of you to come to fully realize how deeply loved you are by God and that Jesus invites you follow him…that’s my job…

Slide10There is a very famous painting by the pre-Raphaelite artist Holman Hunt — 1905 called The Light of the World and it hangs in St. Paul’s Cathedral in London.  In it, Jesus, the Light of the world, stands at a door which is overgrown with ivy and weeds. The door clearly represents the door of someone’s life. This person has never invited Jesus to come into his of her life. Jesus is standing at the door and knocking. He is awaiting a response.  He wants to come in and be part of that person’s life.  Apparently someone said to Holman Hunt that he had made a mistake in the painting. They told him “You have forgotten to paint a handle on the door” On no replied Hunt, that is deliberate. There is only one handle and that is on the inside.” In other words, we have to open the door to let Jesus into our lives. Jesus will never force his way in. He gives us the freedom to choose….the freedom to open the door or not.

But when we do decide to turn to Jesus and accept God’s grace, then the relationship is established and God begins to work in our lives by his spirit and that when you will find yourself being transformed –.  Its an inside job !

God love us enough to accept us as we are, but loves us so much he won’t leave us that way…a life of transformation through grace.

Question: Do you feel that there is anything missing or some issue or question you have that you want addressed? Is there something blocking you from moving towards the right of the graph?