Marriage Course - September 20, 2012

Day 34 - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not

Forgiveness IS NOT
• demanding a person changes before we forgive them
• pretending it doesn't matter and trying to forget about it
• thinking time alone will heal the hurt

Forgiveness IS
• facing the wrong done to us
• recognizing the emotions inside
• releasing the other person into God's hands, leaving the consequences to Him
• choosing not to hold it against our husband or wife

If we do not forgive we'll be the one imprisoned by the bitterness, resentment, and anger

Forgiveness is a process-we often need to keep forgiving for the same hurt-sometimes on a daily basis

God forgives us freely and therefore we must forgive each other freely

Start Again Together:
• begin each day with a fresh start and no backlog-tear off each page of the notebook
• don't expect healing to be instant-apology and forgiveness remove the distance between us but the hurt leaves a bruising that needs time to heal
• re-build trust by setting aside marriage time, and being gentle and kind towards each other
• pray for one another-pray aloud or silently, asking God to heal your partner of the hurt you have caused him or her

This process is like a drain that carries away the hurt

Confession to God and those we hurt, together with forgiving those who have hurt us, must become a daily habit if intimacy is to be maintained. Otherwise the drain begins to block up with unresolved hurt and anger.

Question:Ask your husband or wife to tell you one way that you can support them this week. If you feel comfortable, pray for each other – aloud or silently. Otherwise express your support in some other way.

Question 2:Complete the Worksheet found under "Study Guide"

From Series: "Marriage"

Study Guide

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Autumn

  • season of richness and maturity-reaping
  • the benefits of what has gone before
  • marriage more established having weathered tough times
  • may be teenagers in the house
  • emotionally the most exhausting stage of parenting
  • the greatest need is to support and encourage each other

Winter

  • empty-nest stage for many
  • probably fewer demands with an opportunity for more time together
  • can be the most exciting stage of marriage
  • the greatest needs are shared interests and good communication

Reflect on what you’ve heard so far. If you are in one of these seasons, talk together about the pressures you’ve worked through until now in your relationship, and the pressures you’re currently facing.  If you’re not here yet, what do you think it will be like?