Marriage Course - September 20, 2012

Day 34 - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not

Forgiveness IS NOT
• demanding a person changes before we forgive them
• pretending it doesn't matter and trying to forget about it
• thinking time alone will heal the hurt

Forgiveness IS
• facing the wrong done to us
• recognizing the emotions inside
• releasing the other person into God's hands, leaving the consequences to Him
• choosing not to hold it against our husband or wife

If we do not forgive we'll be the one imprisoned by the bitterness, resentment, and anger

Forgiveness is a process-we often need to keep forgiving for the same hurt-sometimes on a daily basis

God forgives us freely and therefore we must forgive each other freely

Start Again Together:
• begin each day with a fresh start and no backlog-tear off each page of the notebook
• don't expect healing to be instant-apology and forgiveness remove the distance between us but the hurt leaves a bruising that needs time to heal
• re-build trust by setting aside marriage time, and being gentle and kind towards each other
• pray for one another-pray aloud or silently, asking God to heal your partner of the hurt you have caused him or her

This process is like a drain that carries away the hurt

Confession to God and those we hurt, together with forgiving those who have hurt us, must become a daily habit if intimacy is to be maintained. Otherwise the drain begins to block up with unresolved hurt and anger.

Question:Ask your husband or wife to tell you one way that you can support them this week. If you feel comfortable, pray for each other – aloud or silently. Otherwise express your support in some other way.

Question 2:Complete the Worksheet found under "Study Guide"

From Series: "Marriage"

Study Guide

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Nurturing involves seeking to meet each other’s emotional needs for affection, encouragement, support, comfort, etc,

  • we all have a longing to be loved and to be known by another
  • empty space inside that needs to be filled up with love
  • when empty, we feel alone or lonely giving each other emotional support refills the empty space inside
  • we are made for close relationships

How to nurture

Be proactive rather than reactive:

  • being reactive means focusing on each others shortcomings
  • being proactive means focusing on each other’s needs
  • proactive behavior draws couples together because each one feels loved; when we feel loved, we feel like loving

Study each other:

  • recognize each other’s needs
  • often our partner’s needs and desires will be different to our own
  • discover what matters to your husband or wife. otherwise we tend to give what we like to receive.
  • needs change over time
  • make requests, not demands
  • we can’t assume our husband or wife automatically knows our desires. We must tell each other.

Complete the Worksheets Below: