Day 23 - Learn to Negotiate - Identify and Discuss the Issue

Marriage Course - September 14, 2012

Day 28 - Understanding Anger

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Listen

Reactions to hurt

1. Anger
• some are like rhinos-they attack when provoked
• some are like hedgehogs-they withdraw when threatened

2. Retaliation
• to let our partner know what the hurt felt like

3. Fear
• we withdraw so as not to be hurt again

4. Guilt
• hurt will always be caused by both partners

Question:Identify whether you are a rhino or hedgehog. If you're not sure, ask your partner.

From Series: "Marriage"

Study Guide

More From "Marriage"

About the Marriage Course	Ryan Sim	July 1, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 1 - Introduction	Marriage Course	August 17, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 2 - Introduction Part II	Marriage Course	August 18, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 3 - The First and Second Seasons of Marriage - Spring and Summer	Marriage Course	August 19, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 4 - The Third and Fourth Seasons of Marriage - Autumn and Winter	Marriage Course	August 20, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 5 - Building Strong Foundations	Marriage Course	August 21, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 6 - Make Time for Each Other - Planning Marriage Time	Marriage Course	August 22, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 7 - Make Marriage Time a Priority and Protect It	Marriage Course	August 23, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 8 - Nurture Each Other	Marriage Course	August 24, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 9 - The Art of Communication	Marriage Course	August 25, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 10 - Effective Communication	Marriage Course	August 26, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 11 - The importance of listening	Marriage Course	August 27, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 12 - Hindrances to Listening - Filters	Marriage Course	August 29, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 13 - Hindrances to Listening - Bad Habits	Marriage Course	August 30, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 14 - Practicing Effective Listening	Marriage Course	August 31, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 15 - Principles for Effective Listening	Marriage Course	September 1, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 16 - An Example of Effective Listening	Marriage Course	September 2, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 17 - Effective Listening Summary	Marriage Course	September 3, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 18 - Conflict Resolution	Marriage Course	September 4, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 19 - Express our Appreciation	Marriage Course	September 5, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 20 - Identify and Accept our Differences Part I	Marriage Course	September 6, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 21 - Identify and Accept our Differences Part II	Marriage Course	September 7, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 22 - Learn to Negotiate - Find the Best Time	Marriage Course	September 8, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 23 - Learn to Negotiate - Identify and Discuss the Issue	Marriage Course	September 9, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 24 - Learn to Negotiate - Final Steps	Marriage Course	September 10, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 25 - Putting Negotiation into Action and Grow Together	Marriage Course	September 11, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 26 - The Importance of Shared Faith	Marriage Course	September 12, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 27 - The Power of Forgiveness	Marriage Course	September 13, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 28 - Understanding Anger	Marriage Course	September 14, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 29 - Handling Anger	Marriage Course	September 15, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 30 - The Healing Process	Marriage Course	September 16, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 31 - The Healing Process - Identify The Hurt	Marriage Course	September 17, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 32 - The Healing Process - Say Sorry	Marriage Course	September 18, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 33 - The Healing Process - Forgive	Marriage Course	September 19, 2012	Watch	Listen
Day 34 - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not	Marriage Course	September 20, 2012	Watch	Listen

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Identify the issue

Discuss the issue rather than attack each other

avoid labelling “you never … “you always”
use “I” statements e.g., (I feel undervalued when)
listen to dour partner (allow them to hold the table napkin when speaking as described earlier)