Children learn to relate through experiencing, observing, and practicing various relationships within the family:
• parent-child
• mother-father
• sibling-sibling
• grandparent-grandchild
• uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.
Experiencing: parent-child relationship
• children learn to love through experiencing their parents. unconditional love
• important for children to feel accepted for who they are
Our love and acceptance give our children confidence through building in them:
• security (knowing they are loved not for what they do, but for who they are)
• self-worth (knowing they are of value - their self-worth is based on what they think we, their parents, think of them)
• significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives, and that they have a worthwhile contribution to make)
Ultimately security, self-worth and Significance come from God
• we model God’s parenthood of us
• parents are in loco dei (in His place to represent Him)
Observing: mother-father (and other adult) relationships
• children learn to relate through observing adult relationships
• how we, their parents, speak and listen to each other
• the physical affection we show
• whether and how we resolve conflicts
• children need to see firsthand the modeling of an intimate, committed adult relationship
• if parenting together, consider doing The Marriage Course to invest in your relationship
• if not parenting together, work at having thebest possible relationship with your child’s other parent (resolving conflict, forgiveness, consistency, etc.)
Question: Where is your child learning most about how to build healthy relationships?
make sure the time is clear of any other commitments for every member of the family
prevent interruptions from the telephone or other people (unless they are invited with the understanding that it is family time
Suggested routine for family times
try to make it the same time each week
spend at least an hour and a half having fun
take turns choosing what activity you do (See worksheet)
have it coincide with a meal
get each family member in turn to choose their favorite menu -when they are old enough, use it as an opportunity to teach them to cook their choice of food
make sure conversation and activities are at the level of the children
if it is a week night, work out when to fit in homework, music practice, etc. (before or after depending on the age of the children)
turn off the TV, or limit it to one program or DVD that you can watch together
children learn about good and bad behavior from their family
they learn values such as:
thinking about others
taking responsibility
helping around the house
How can you plan a focused time of play with your child(ren) this week? Spend some time thinking about your moral compass – where does it point? Why?
