Marriage Course - September 20, 2012

Day 34 - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not

Forgiveness IS NOT
• demanding a person changes before we forgive them
• pretending it doesn't matter and trying to forget about it
• thinking time alone will heal the hurt

Forgiveness IS
• facing the wrong done to us
• recognizing the emotions inside
• releasing the other person into God's hands, leaving the consequences to Him
• choosing not to hold it against our husband or wife

If we do not forgive we'll be the one imprisoned by the bitterness, resentment, and anger

Forgiveness is a process-we often need to keep forgiving for the same hurt-sometimes on a daily basis

God forgives us freely and therefore we must forgive each other freely

Start Again Together:
• begin each day with a fresh start and no backlog-tear off each page of the notebook
• don't expect healing to be instant-apology and forgiveness remove the distance between us but the hurt leaves a bruising that needs time to heal
• re-build trust by setting aside marriage time, and being gentle and kind towards each other
• pray for one another-pray aloud or silently, asking God to heal your partner of the hurt you have caused him or her

This process is like a drain that carries away the hurt

Confession to God and those we hurt, together with forgiving those who have hurt us, must become a daily habit if intimacy is to be maintained. Otherwise the drain begins to block up with unresolved hurt and anger.

Question:Ask your husband or wife to tell you one way that you can support them this week. If you feel comfortable, pray for each other – aloud or silently. Otherwise express your support in some other way.

Question 2:Complete the Worksheet found under "Study Guide"

Related Topics: Forgiveness, Marriage, Prayer | More Messages from Marriage Course | Download Audio

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Yesterday we continued looking at the Christian story as a six act play.  Act 1 was creation, that we were created to love God and be loved by God.  Act 2 was rebellion, when we learned that humans pushed God’s love away.

We continue an overview of the Christian story in six acts with Act 3, Israel.

So what did God do after we rebelled?  Let us figure it out on our own?  Forget about us and move on, create another world on Mars, or somewhere else?

No.

He stuck with us.

Slide10He chose a small group of humans – beginning with one man named Abraham, but eventually the whole national of Israel made up his descendents  – and said he would bring the world back to his plan using them.

He began to work with them, to remind them of the script he had written for our world.

Think of it as a school play…when the kids forget their lines, the director is off stage, prompting the actors to remind them of their lines.

Giving them help, guidance, correction.

This is what God did by giving Israel the ten commandments, and his laws, and prophets.

Reminding them of how they were meant to relate to each other, their world, and God himself.

Unfortunately, God’s people seldom listened, and even when they did, they very quickly went off script again.

Through all this Israel learned a few things, and so can we:

  • God cares enough not to give up, but to work with them
  • That they are too rebellious to actually do this on their own, and need the director to actually intervene.

And so the play continues off script, with the director off stage prompting, but nobody on stage listening or acting in the way he guides them.

Have you ever tried to make yourself “right” with God, or to be perfect?  Is it possible?  Have you ever met a perfect person?