Marriage Course - September 1, 2012

Day 15 - Principles for Effective Listening

For some people, learning to listen is as difficult as learning a foreign language, but we must learn in order to build intimacy in our marriage and grow closer to our husband or wife.

1. Pay Attention and Do Not Interrupt. Allow your partner to finish what they are saying. Research indicates that the average individual only listens for 17 seconds before interrupting. Maintain eye contact and do not do something else at the same time.
2. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Put your own views to one side and really appreciate what it is like for your partner to be feeling the way that they do. Do not rush them and do not be afraid of silences.
3. Acknowledge their feelings. When you have listened to what your partner wants to say, reflect back what you heard without deflection or interpretation. It is important to try and accurately summarize the main facts, reflecting back any feelings they've expressed. This helps your partner to know if you have understood. Reflecting back may feel awkward, but it works!
4. Find out what is most important. Then ask your husband or wife: What is the most important part of what you have been saying?" Wait quietly while your partner thinks about what they want to say. When they have spoken, reflect back again what you have heard.
5. Help them work out what they might do. Now ask: ls there anything you would like (or, if appropriate: like me / like us) to do about what you have said?" Again give your partner time to think quietly. When they have finished, reflect back what your partner has said. enabling them to hear their own decision. The listener then asks, "Is there anything more that you would like to say?" If there is anything more, this should also be reflected back to the speaker.

Question:How do you feel about trying this out? Might it seem awkward? What are the risks, and potential benefits, of trying this new way of listening?

Related Topics: Communication, Listening, Marriage, Relationships | More Messages from Marriage Course | Download Audio

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Slide12In our last session we saw how the director of the six act play stepped on to the stage, as Jesus.  Today we conclude an overview of the Christian story in six acts with Acts 5 & 6, which are about us, and the end of the story.We’ll skip an act, and go right to Act 6 to see how it ends.  We know the ending, God has already said how it will be.

Maybe you’ve heard about revelation, apocalypse, or the rapture before, and immediately think of awful things when you hear about “the end of the world”.

Act 6 is written in very poetic language in the Bible, so lots of people have come up with theories about how and when it will happen.

But no matter how one reads it, the point is always that good wins, and evil loses.  God wins, and evil loses.

God created the world and created us humans to know him intimately and personally.   We are meant to be something other than what we are today….and he has plans to restore us into that right relationship with him.

But this restoration is not limited to just us humans…all of creation was made for something better, and he has plans to restore the natural world and order as well…no sickness, death, war, famine, etc.  Nothing that rebels against God’s good nature.

The world as God intended it!

But we are not there yet.  Creation is not yet perfected, neither are we!  There’s a missing act.

Slide13Imagine this actually happened…an unknown Shakespearean play is discovered.  We found Acts 1-4 and Act 6, but Act 5 is missing.

One person has proposed collecting a bunch of Shakespearean actors, have them study script, Acts 1-4 and 6, and then put them on stage and invite them to act out the first four acts, then improvise Act 5 in a way that honours the past, and connects with the known ending.

That’s what God has done with us…

We know how this story starts and ends.

Now we are in Act 5 – invited to join God as part of His story.  We are invited to study his past and future actions, and then improvise with him, as we move toward the proper ending, called the kingdom of God…that looks suspiciously like Act 1 as well.

God wants us to be part of his plan for the world.

And it’s finally possible, because Jesus has set the play back on track.

There is the story, in six acts.

We took our time, but it needn’t be that complicated.  The story of the universe can be summed up in one paragraph:

  • God created the world to know God personally
  • we said no thanks,
  • and God has been trying to reconnect with us ever since.
  • When we weren’t able, he came to us,
  • and has left us here to improvise in a way that will
  • give this story the good ending he has planned.

Slide14

Which parts of the Christian story give you hope?  Which parts do you want to know more about?