Parenting Teens - September 6, 2012

Day 21 - Effective Communications Strategies Part III

Parenting Teenagers

We look at the role of reflecting back, responding appropriately and taking a long-term view in healthy communications.

7. Reflect back what they have said • say back to them what you think they are trying to express, particularly their feelings use some of their own words and phrases

8. Respond appropriately • give guidance and reassurance • they are likely to remember our words for years to come

9. Take a long-term view • sometimes any meaningful communicationwith teenagers can be a big struggle • difficulties are usually the result of a phase they're going through • try to create the conditions for conversation to become easier, at mealtimes; spending time with them doing what they enjoy; using their love language • if worried, seek professional help and/or medical support

Role play with another adult. Have them share a typical teenage problem with you, and reflect back what they’ve said. Go back and forth for a few minutes, then switch. What was easy or hard about this?

From Series: "Parenting Teenagers"

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Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved.  Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is.  Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.

  • Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of:
    • self- discovery
    • pushing for independence
    • much self-questioning
    • peer pressure
    • they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable
    • confidence rests on:
      • security (knowing they are loved)
      • self-worth (knowing they are of value)
      • significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives)
      • seek to keep their emotional tank” full of LOVE:
        • their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel
        • knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term:
          • to resist peer pressure when they need to
          • to make good choices
          • to build close relationships

Discovering how our teenagers feel loved

  • discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it’s through:
    • time
    • words
    • touch
    • presents
    • actions
    • (see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers)
    • importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older

Question: Which of the five way of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?

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