Parenting Teens - August 27, 2012

Day 11 - Love Languages

Parenting Teenagers

Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved. Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is. Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.

Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of: • self- discovery • pushing for independence • much self-questioning • peer pressure

they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable • confidence rests on: • security (knowing they are loved) • self-worth (knowing they are of value) • significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives) • seek to keep their emotional tank" full of lOVE: • their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel

Knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term: • to resist peer pressure when they need to • to make good choices • to build close relationships

Discovering how our teenagers feel loved
discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it's through: • time • words • touch • presents • actions

(see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers) • importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older

Question:
Which of the five ways of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?

From Series: "Parenting Teenagers"

Study Guide

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4. Be one step ahead

  • use distraction, distract your child from the issue causing conflict
  • develop your own tarntlu rules to avoid regular arguments

5. Give choices

  • being given choices is an important part of a child’s learning to take responsibility
  • give choices over issues that are unimportant,
  • Which of your toys do you want to take?” and “Do you want to play on the beach or go swimming?”
  • giving choices helps to defuse conflict

6. Stay in control

  • avoid being dragged into shouting matches our emotional reactions can give children a sense of power over us – like allowing them to press a “big red button” on our chests to see us react. getting angry, chasing them, getting upset
  • find a way to give realistic warnings

don’t be manipulated by your child(ren)’s shouting, whining, or tantrums

How can you stay in control of yourself when faced with bad behaviour?

 

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