I. Micro-managing our children's lives
• helicopter parenting - hovering over our children
• children don't learn how to think for themselves
2. Being over-competitive for our children
• puts undue pressure on children
3. Overscheduling our children's lives
• can be caused by fear that our children will be left out or left behind
4. Overprotecting and rescuing our children
• leads to children not taking responsibility or learning from their mistakes
• allow children to take increasing responsibility for themselves
• pass on information and values to give them a moral framework to live by
• Helping children make good choices
some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
learning to control our anger
1. Recognize the root of our anger
HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness
2. Take time out to calm down
press the pause button
avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Label the action not the child’s character
avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
children can believe labels
labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”
4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings
helps us to avoid labeling other people
easier for them to respond constructively
and make changes in their behavior
Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog? What helps you express your anger effectively? How do your children tend to react? What helps them?