• our children crave to be noticed by us and crave our attention
• special time with each child develops their self-esteem and their ability to relate to others
• can be difficult for us as parents to recognize this need and to fulfill it
• the more children we have, the more planning and conscious effort it takes
• channels of communication are opened through spending one-on-one time with our child(ren)
• can transform a child’s behavior
eye contact:
• can be used either positively or negatively
• children learn by modeling - if we do it, they'll do it
• easy when they are babies - but don't give up eye contact as they get older
• good eye contact goes hand in hand with active listening
Question: Do you have fond memories of 1:1 time with a parent? What memories can you create with your children one on one?
some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
learning to control our anger
1. Recognize the root of our anger
HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness
2. Take time out to calm down
press the pause button
avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Label the action not the child’s character
avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
children can believe labels
labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”
4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings
helps us to avoid labeling other people
easier for them to respond constructively
and make changes in their behavior
Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog? What helps you express your anger effectively? How do your children tend to react? What helps them?
