Unhelpful reactions to anger
- some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
- some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
- learning to control our anger
1. Recognize the root of our anger
- HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
- displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
- deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness
2. Take time out to calm down
- press the pause button
- avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Label the action not the child’s character
- avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
- children can believe labels
- labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”
4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings
- helps us to avoid labeling other people
- easier for them to respond constructively
and make changes in their behavior
Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog? What helps you express your anger effectively? How do your children tend to react? What helps them?
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