Unhelpful reactions to anger

• some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
• some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
• learning to control our anger

1. Recognize the root of our anger

• HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
• displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
• deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness

2. Take time out to calm down

• press the pause button
• avoid jumping to conclusions

3. Label the action not the child’s character

• avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
• children can believe labels
• labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”

4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings

• helps us to avoid labeling other people
• easier for them to respond constructively

and make changes in their behavior

Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog?  What helps you express your anger effectively?  How do your children tend to react?  What helps them?