Parenting Teens - August 27, 2012

Day 11 - Love Languages

Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved. Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is. Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.

Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of: • self- discovery • pushing for independence • much self-questioning • peer pressure

they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable • confidence rests on: • security (knowing they are loved) • self-worth (knowing they are of value) • significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives) • seek to keep their emotional tank" full of lOVE: • their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel

Knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term: • to resist peer pressure when they need to • to make good choices • to build close relationships

Discovering how our teenagers feel loved
discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it's through: • time • words • touch • presents • actions

(see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers) • importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older

Question:
Which of the five ways of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?

From Series: "Parenting Teenagers"

Study Guide

More Messages Associated With "Family"...

Powered by Series Engine

Unhelpful reactions to anger

  • some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
  • some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
  • learning to control our anger

1. Recognize the root of our anger

  • HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
  • displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
  • deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness

2. Take time out to calm down

  • press the pause button
  • avoid jumping to conclusions

3. Label the action not the child’s character

  • avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
  • children can believe labels
  • labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”

4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings

  • helps us to avoid labeling other people
  • easier for them to respond constructively

and make changes in their behavior

Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog?  What helps you express your anger effectively?  How do your children tend to react?  What helps them?

 

2162