Parenting Teens - August 27, 2012

Day 11 - Love Languages

Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved. Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is. Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.

Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of: • self- discovery • pushing for independence • much self-questioning • peer pressure

they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable • confidence rests on: • security (knowing they are loved) • self-worth (knowing they are of value) • significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives) • seek to keep their emotional tank" full of lOVE: • their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel

Knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term: • to resist peer pressure when they need to • to make good choices • to build close relationships

Discovering how our teenagers feel loved
discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it's through: • time • words • touch • presents • actions

(see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers) • importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older

Question:
Which of the five ways of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?

From Series: "Parenting Teenagers"

Study Guide

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  • read each child’s way of showing anger
  • aim to teach them “expression,” rather than aggression or “suppression”
  • help them to express anger appropriately (verbally and pleasantly)
  • correct rudeness, destructive behavior, swearing, hitting others, etc. – without shutting
  • them down
  • allow them to express negative feelings: hurt, sadness, anger, etc.
  • not allowing expression or discussion can lead to passive aggressive behavior, i.e; using negative behavior to get back at parents, such as being uncommunicative, refusing to co-operate, or being deliberately annoying
  • we need to recognize if we are contributing to the problem and our child’s anger

don’t punish for being immature in expressing negative feelings

For you, what will be hardest about reacting to anger in this way?  Why?

 

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