• involves effort and generosity
• listen to what appeals to your child(ren)
Avoid shutting them down
• value their ideas
• allow them to express negative feelings such as disappointments, embarrassments, sadness, anxiety, and anger.
Reflect back
• repeat back to your child what you think he or she is saying
• reflect back to your child some of his or her words, but not in parrot fashion, as that can be annoying
• concentrate on reflecting back the feelings you think your child is trying to express, e.g. it sounds like you feel upset or frustrated or sad?
• reflective listening will help your child(ren) to frame their own feelings
use distraction, distract your child from the issue causing conflict
develop your own tarntlu rules to avoid regular arguments
5. Give choices
being given choices is an important part of a child’s learning to take responsibility
give choices over issues that are unimportant,
Which of your toys do you want to take?” and “Do you want to play on the beach or go swimming?”
giving choices helps to defuse conflict
6. Stay in control
avoid being dragged into shouting matches our emotional reactions can give children a sense of power over us – like allowing them to press a “big red button” on our chests to see us react. getting angry, chasing them, getting upset
find a way to give realistic warnings
don’t be manipulated by your child(ren)’s shouting, whining, or tantrums
How can you stay in control of yourself when faced with bad behaviour?