• typically it takes at least eighteen years!
• help them to realize that talking through an issue that has upset them is more productive than behaving badly
2, Try to find the root cause of the anger
• listen to your child
• HALT - are they Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
• may not be easy to work out root cause - they may not know
• if we don't find the root cause, they can become angrier or suppress their emotions, leading to rebellion later
• create environment of openness and honesty to encourage communication
some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
learning to control our anger
1. Recognize the root of our anger
HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness
2. Take time out to calm down
press the pause button
avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Label the action not the child’s character
avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
children can believe labels
labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”
4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings
helps us to avoid labeling other people
easier for them to respond constructively
and make changes in their behavior
Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog? What helps you express your anger effectively? How do your children tend to react? What helps them?