• some people react like a rhino - when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
• some people react like a hedgehog - when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
• learning to control our anger
• Recognize the root of our anger
• HALT - ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
• displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
• deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness
2. Take time out to calm down
• press the pause button
• avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Label the action not the child's character
• avoid phrases like "You're so careless” or "You're so unkind”
• children can believe labels
• labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do" or "That was an unkind remark to make”
4. Use "I" statements to express own feelings
• helps us to avoid labeling other people
• easier for them to respond constructively
• and make changes in their behavior
Question: Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog? What helps you express your anger effectively? How do your children tend to react? What helps them?
aim to teach them “expression,” rather than aggression or “suppression”
help them to express anger appropriately (verbally and pleasantly)
correct rudeness, destructive behavior, swearing, hitting others, etc. – without shutting
them down
allow them to express negative feelings: hurt, sadness, anger, etc.
not allowing expression or discussion can lead to passive aggressive behavior, i.e; using negative behavior to get back at parents, such as being uncommunicative, refusing to co-operate, or being deliberately annoying
we need to recognize if we are contributing to the problem and our child’s anger
don’t punish for being immature in expressing negative feelings
For you, what will be hardest about reacting to anger in this way? Why?